For many years I had a hole in my heart,
And old ones manifest themselves in anger.
Then I got a new hole in my heart, and this one hurt.
Hurt, left to age on its own, turns to anger.
Part of me was broken. Part of me was bitter.
I needed to cry; yet I wanted to fight.
There was fire burning inside of me.
A fire that was consuming all that I am.
And I cried out, "God, why do I hurt so badly?
Why must the faithful suffer as the faithless?
Are you listening to me? I need help."
Abba Father was listening; and this is what He told me.
"I'm sending you on your most difficult journey yet;
Back to the places where you failed.
Stand still in my presence. Stand still in my sight. Stand still and wait.
And try once more. This time, with me.
"You are a new creation. I have demolished the old structure.
You were hungry and thirsty and thirsty, but not for righteousness,
Not for my Holy Spirit, not for Jesus, not for Me,
Not with all that you are. But I have heard you."
Then I knew. I had been asking the wrong question all along.
I had been asking, "What's in this for me?"
I should have been asking, "What's in me for Thee?"
Oh, precious God of second chances.
Tony D. Scearce